fate keeps on happening

American Dad: Dope & Faith

Roger: HAHAHAH! Oh my god! Stan has no friends! And he didn't even realize. He's like... "America, the Guy".

American Dad: Homeland Insecurity

Steve: The alien in this video game is awesome! He shoots laser beams, he levitates... he's the coolest alien ever!
Steve: Oh.... I didn't mean...
Roger: No, no. No no, you said it. It's out there. Now we have to live with it.
Steve: Well, it's kinda true. You don't have any special powers, do you?
Roger: I'm a good listener. Do you know how rare that is in this universe?
Steve: Yeah, that'll take down an F-14. Can't you do anything?!
Roger: Well, I can get my feelings hurt and throw a world-class hissy fit!!
Klaus: I wish he'd get sick like ET.

American Dad: Camp Refoogee

Francine: Roger, what are you talking about?
Roger: Oh, it's my new hard-boiled PI character. I find role-playing helps me cope with the soul-crushing boredom around this place.

American Dad: Best Christmas Story Never Told

Francine: Well, isn't that cute? Roger's making a snow angel.... a face-down snow angel... in a pile of angel vomit.
Haley: He's passed out, Mom. He's been binge drinking since Thanksgiving.

Stan: I need to be reminded of what Christmas is all about. To the shopping mall!
Stan: Ahhhh... this is more like it. Two teenagers sitting on an old man's lap, as a midget snaps a picture. If that doesn't commemorate our savior's birth, I don't know what does!
Haley: This year Santa smelled like whiskey and the midget smelled like pot!
Steve: I know! When did they change it up?