Steve: The alien in this video game is awesome! He shoots laser beams, he levitates... he's the coolest alien ever! Steve: Oh.... I didn't mean... Roger: No, no. No no, you said it. It's out there. Now we have to live with it. Steve: Well, it's kinda true. You don't have any special powers, do you? Roger: I'm a good listener. Do you know how rare that is in this universe? Steve: Yeah, that'll take down an F-14. Can't you do anything?! Roger: Well, I can get my feelings hurt and throw a world-class hissy fit!! Klaus: I wish he'd get sick like ET.
Francine: Well, isn't that cute? Roger's making a snow angel.... a face-down snow angel... in a pile of angel vomit. Haley: He's passed out, Mom. He's been binge drinking since Thanksgiving.
Stan: I need to be reminded of what Christmas is all about. To the shopping mall! Stan: Ahhhh... this is more like it. Two teenagers sitting on an old man's lap, as a midget snaps a picture. If that doesn't commemorate our savior's birth, I don't know what does! Haley: This year Santa smelled like whiskey and the midget smelled like pot! Steve: I know! When did they change it up?